Australians are a fantastic people with a wicked sense of humor. By the end of my senior year, I was the best rugby player in High School. Sadly, after years of training, I found myself stranded. Not one university in my state had a team, so I applied to attend university in Sydney, Australia. What could go wrong?

I made travel arrangements for a visit and before I even set out, the University accepted my application. They also assigned a fellow footy teamate, named Steve-O, to assist me with fitting in Down Under.

An uneventful flight brought me to a view of the sheer sanstone cliffs of the national park just south of Sydney. Steve-O kindly met me at the airport on a dreary grey day. “G’day Joe. Welcome to Oz.”

When I asked him if this weather was typical for Australia, he assured me that it was. I soon discovered that most Aussie days are clear and sunny. This should have prepared me for what was to come.

As we headed through the airport, we chatted about the differences in our cultures. I asked him if Australians had a hand gesture to signify that you wish good-luck towards someone. He said, “Crikey yes! It’s just like the peace sign, but instead you turn your hand around and face your palm inwards.”

We loaded my lugage into his Ute and headed towards downtown Sydney. We had just hopped on the M5 highway when a hot-rod cut us off. I thought I’d help to deescalate the situation by gesturing as I’d been instructed. An angry woman wearing an Akubra gestured back with her middle finger. She also shouted loud curses that I couldn’t understand. I was surprised that she would do that after so rudely cutting us off. I wondered if many other Aussies were such hot-heads.

My friend laughed and said, “Ahh, no worries mate. She’ll be right. The yobbo’s just taking the piss. I’m gonna take you straight to the field to meet the cobbers.”

Parking at the university sports stadium was sparse. We headed under the arch and went through the turnstiles. A whistle blew and immediately grunting and clashing echoed across the stadium. On the field, two teams pummelled each other in a scrum.

Steve-O came up behind a brawny guy with a sports jersey. He roughed up his friends sandy blond hair and said, “Hey Nick-O, we got a fresh Yank to school in footy.”

Nick-O turned and smiled broadly. “Rippah, we got a Joey.” He reached out and turned a girl with long hair around to face me. “Hey, Carol, watcha think?” My heart stopped. This was one of the most gorgeous women I had ever laid eyes on. Her green eyes were wide, her nose was upturned, and she moved with the grace of a dancer.

Carol turned back to the sports field to watch as a play was ending with a pile of arms and legs poking out at awkward angles.

I wanted to talk to her, but barely knew where to start. “Hi, I’m Joe.” I gestured the good luck sign and said, “Who ya rootin’ for?”

She turned with a flushed face as storms appeared in her green eyes. “Rack off! How dare you!” She slapped me and walked off in a huff.

Nick-O shouted at Carol’s back. “Hey Carol, ya Sheila, stop throwing a wobbly.” She marched on as if she didn’t hear.

Nick-O turned to me but said to Steve-O chuckling, “Well our gobsmacked Yank’s not the full quid.” He put a hand on my shoulder and said seriously, “Look, ya dag. I’ve never seen Carol spit the dummy with a king-hit. Why’d you do that?” Meanwhile Steve-O was rolling on the ground laughing hysterically.

“I don’t know what happened.” I rubbed my jaw. “I just gave her the good luck sign.” I again gestured as Steve-O had taught me. I did it slowly as I began to feel I’d been conned.

“Good Luck? You Galah!” He began laughing uproariously while my face went red. “That gesture to us means what the middle finger means to you.” He laughed some more and caught his breath. “And the word root?” He tried to contain his laughing, “Also, means exactly the same thing!”

That was the day I learned an important fact about Australians. The meaner they are to you, the more they like you. Through fun adventures with my new friends, I eventually learned forgiveness.

Australian Dictionary

Arvo : afternoon

Barrack : to cheer on (football team etc.)

Beaut, beauty : great, fantastic

Bloke : man, guy

Blue, make a : make a mistake

Cobber : friend

Come a gutser : make a bad mistake, have an accident

Corker : something excellent. A good stroke in cricket might be described as a ‘corker of a shot’

Cut snake, mad as a : very angry

Dag : a funny person, nerd, goof

Dummy, spit the : get very upset at something

Fair Dinkum— Kosher, the real thing – as in “Fair Dinkum Aussie” (true blue Aussie original). Often used by itself as a rhetorical question to express astonishment verging on disbelief … “Fair Dinkum, mate?” (you’ve got to be kidding, haven’t you?)

Footy : Australian Rules football

G’Day : hello!

Galah : fool, silly person. Named after the bird of the same name because of its antics and the noise it makes.

Gobsmacked : surprised, astounded

Joey : baby kangaroo

Kangaroos loose in the top paddock : Intellectually inadequate (“he’s got kangaroos loose in the top paddock”)

King hit — A punch delivered without warning

Larrikin : a bloke who is always enjoying himself, harmless prankster

Mate : buddy, friend

Mug : friendly insult (“have a go, yer mug”), gullible person

Narkie — Someone who is negative or short-tempered

No drama : same as ‘no worries’

Not the full quid : not bright intellectually

Rack off : push off! get lost! get out of here! also “rack off hairy legs!”.

Ratbag : mild insult
Raw prawn, to come the : to bullshit, to be generally disagreeable

Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck: “I feel rooted”; “this washing machine is rooted”; “(s)he’s a good root”

Seppo : an American

Sheila : a woman

Spewin’ : very angry

Spit the dummy : get very upset at something

Sprung : caught doing something wrong

Stuffed, I’ll be : expression of surprise

Too right — Definitely!

Ute : utility vehicle, pickup truck

Whacker, whacka : Idiot; somebody who talks drivel; somebody with whom you have little patience

Wobbly — Disturbing, unstable behaviour, as in “to throw a wobbly.”

Yank – An American

Yobbo : an uncouth person

Sports photo created by freepik – www.freepik.com